I Now Understand That Receiving Is as Important as Giving

The words almost came out of my mouth the moment I opened a sweet colleague’s gift of locally sourced wildflower honey. They were right there, ready to emerge, before I was even consciously aware I was about to utter them:

“Oh, you shouldn’t have.”

Fortunately, this time I stopped them in my tonsils.

No doubt you’ve said words like these a million times. Maybe “Giving me that gift was so unnecessary.” Or, “I didn’t need you to get me anything.” Or, that classic, “You shouldn’t have.”

But this holiday season those words are not going to pass my lips. No matter how hard it might be to suppress them, I will not let them fly. I’m hoping the thought of them won’t even enter my brain.

That’s because I have finally come to realize that it is as important to graciously receive as it is to generously give.

Of Course, Giving Is Good

We all know how wonderful it feels to give during the holidays. To pick out a present with care, wrap it with love, and share it with someone we adore. Opening our heart in this way makes us feel good.

Even psychologists tout the benefits of giving. Studies have confirmed, for example, that people report greater happiness when they give away the five-dollar bill they are allotted by a researcher rather than hoard the money.

And, of course, the Bible admonishes us with that famous Acts 20:35 verse, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

This is all true. I consider myself to be a giver. And nothing makes me happier than handing over a holiday present to someone I cherish.

Receiving Is a Core Part of the Cycle

So why am I focusing on receiving this year? Because I have come to see that taking something in is equally important. If no one were to receive, no one could ever give.

We’ve all been trained to do that little dance, where we feel a pang of guilt and demur a little even as we ultimately accept the present. We’ve been taught that being a recipient is selfish. Receivers are the people denigrated by society as takers, greedy egomaniacs, Welfare Queens, bloodsuckers, and the like.

But why in the world do we feel bad about an action that is a part of the whole experience of generosity.

Actress and spiritual healer Dee Wallace actually created a word for the integrated cycle of receiving and giving. She calls it recigive.

“You can’t have giving without receiving,” Wallace says. “You can’t receive without having someone give. It’s a circle. A complete experience of energy going out and being returned to us.”

The last time you gave someone a present, did you want them to turn their back to it? No, you wanted them to embrace it as much as you pictured they would do when you were in the store.

When you don’t lovingly accept something, you deprive the person giving it to you of experiencing the same joy that you yourself get when you give.

Receiving Also Says I’m Worth It

On some level, I also think we can’t embrace presents because we don’t feel worthy of receiving. Am I a good enough person that I warrant this beautiful item? Have I done enough good in the world to merit this lovely prize?

Low self-worth is a hidden (or not so hidden) scourge that keeps too many of us from seizing our birthright. That nagging voice in the back of our head keeps telling us that gifts should be given to those who merit them, not to flawed little me.

So I want you to repeat after me: I am created in the image of god (however you see that), so of course I am worthy of receiving every gift exactly the way I am.

Receiving is a Strength, Not a Weakness

Taking help, money, or presents can also be inaccurately viewed as a sign of weakness. But it is actually a strength.

To graciously receive says that you understand the reciprocal cycle inherent in gift-giving and are proud to keep it going. It says you that love yourself enough to insert yourself into that cycle.

And it says that you understand that since everything in life is energy, embracing the notion of receiving not only that brings you those holiday presents, it also allows you to attract money, healthy relationships, good friends, and other positive things into your life.

Receiving Takes Practice

If you’re not using to genially allowing all the gifts heading your way right now, you might want to start small. If someone holds the door open for you, don’t try to reach around and grab it. If in Starbucks a friend offers to buy you a latte, let the words “Thank you so much” tumble off your tongue.

And when someone hands you a beautifully wrapped gift this holiday, if you can’t yet muster a full throttle “That’s so wonderful because I love getting gifts,” at least stifle the urge to protest.

It is not better to give than to receive. Joy in the world comes from doing both.

Meryl Davids Landau is the author of the mindfulness/yoga novel Warrior Won, which won first place in the Living Now Book Awards for inspirational fiction. Midwest Book Review calls it “one of the strongest spiritual women’s fiction pieces to appear in recent years.” Learn more at MerylDavidsLandau.com